Thursday, June 28, 2007

Banjo Joke About Hookers.

How many hookers does it take to string a banjo?

That's the joke - now we just need a punch line. I'm open to any suggestions. I can't be expected to do ALL the work, can I? Actually, my friend Steve came up with the joke. Thanks, Steve !!

I went to http://www.bluegrassfriends.com/ today - I see that we're taking the summer off from the Monday night jams. I have mixed feelings about that. I will miss all of our new friends, but I am looking forward to a break for us, especially Michael. The missing the friends part is bittersweet - September isn't that far away, and I know we're going to be seeing some of them very soon when we go to Maine to visit good old Ralph. I'm even making the ultimate sacrifice for this concert - I'm taking a precious vacation day from work. You want to be worth it, Ralphie !!

I think I'll probably continue to post bloggies this summer, since it's so highly entertaining.

Send in a punch line...I'll post them anonymously. Might be kind of funny to see what we can collectively come up with :)

Happy Blessings...
Helen

Monday, June 25, 2007

What IS a banjo hook, anyway??

Is it like a hooker that stands on a street corner, wearing her hooker boots, and holding a banjo? Perhaps she's trying to entice people to...ummm...you know...by playing them a little tune. All I have to say to that is: keep your day job. Imagine trying to pay the bills that way.

I sense another banjo joke out of this one.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Earl wouldn't do it THAT way...

I just logged into the BluegrassFriends website and at the top of the screen, where there are usually random pictures of some of us playing our musical instruments, there was instead a picture of some big chrome thing that looks like extra car parts. I phoned Michael because I was intrigued to know what the picture was - I thought for a moment that someone had hit the site and left a picture of questionable origin...I couldn't figure it out at all. The answer made me roll my eyes - Michael said it's a really, really, really close up shot of a banjo hook. Oh. Nice.

At the jam last Monday night I was pondering the idea with Tom Mason for a different song to use at the ending. I expect someday I'll be able to listen to 'Will the Circle be Unbroken' and not think about my mother, but I admit right now it stings a bit.

How about The Beverley Hillbillies Theme Song? It's a happy song, all about shooting and money and getting along with the neighbours. Even the ending is good with 'Ya'll come back now, ya hear!!'. Lots of banjo in that one too and it's very definitely a bluegrassy song.

Ed Betts sang a song just for me that night, apparently. I can't think of the name of it; Ed said it was ... oh, help. I can't think of who the artist is either. Complete blank. It's the guy we're going to see in July down in Maine, the one that I had to call the hotel to find out why there was a charge on my American Express and the hotel guy kept saying he hoped he didn't ruin a surprise for me...ahhhh...NOT. Anyway, I'll have to read my other blog to find out buddy's name. But thanks for thinking of me, Ed, and preparing me for the concert. You're a true friend. Just so you know for future, don't bust a gut learning buddy's songs to prepare me. I'm an easy sell on that one. You could sing Cluck Old Hen and I wouldn't know the difference. (That song has lyrics, right?) I appreciate the thought though. OH! He sings Pretty Polly with Patty Loveless...do you suppose she'll be at the concert?

Back to jam ending songs. How about Happy Birthday? It's a happy song. Not bluegrass, is it? We could grass it up. Stick in a banjo and mandolin break and have the woman die at the end, and there you go. Hmmmm...I guess that won't work. Becky suggested Fly Fly Away. That sounds like someone's leaving too. I'm noticing a common theme in bluegrass songs. Someone always leaves town or something. "I'll have a Blue Christmas" by Elvis? Nope. "It Isn't Easy Being Green" by Kermit the Frog? (That's from the 2000 Album 'Kermit Unpigged'). Isn't that hilarious??

How about Tom T. Hall "The Year that Clayton Delaney Died" or "Salute to a Switchblade". I must say that latter one sounds pleasant. He does have one song where he sings about little yellow ducks and big dogs and rum or something. That one might be good. Oh, not bluegrass. When Michael and I were dating, we would sit in my car, which only had an 8-track player, and the only 8-track we had was Tom T. Hall. We would listen to Tom and...nevermind. I'm not allowed to blog about that stuff.

Ok, here's the thing: Memories of mom are everywhere...I know how fortunate I was to have her for a mom, even though it wasn't long enough. This too shall pass. And just as importantly, other people are reminded of their moms as they listen to that song too, and that can never be a bad thing. And I actually love the Circle song.

Hope everyone is having a sunny, grassy day.
xoxox
Helen

Friday, June 15, 2007

Rice cakes can do damage...

I'm on a work break and eating my lunch. I like having rice cakes at lunch time because they're crunchy and they don't generally get me into trouble. In the past, I have had a LOT of trouble with food. Over time I've pretty much eliminated from my diet anything that gives me trouble of a craving type, and, one day at a time, this has worked well for me for a few years.

I was savouring my last rice cake and I heard a sickening crunching sound...I think the tip of one of my back molars broke off. Oh NOOOOO!!!! People at work make fun of me because I like rice cakes - they compare them to eating sawdust, and cardboard, and such, but up until now, I liked them and thought they were safe. Many times while planning sales meetings for work I've been tempted to order rice cakes and salad for lunch and see how funny they all think they are then. :) Be careful not to tease the people that feed you.

Now I'm cautiously feeling around that tooth...maybe it's ok. I should mention the topic Bluegrass in this blog so as to keep with my blog name, and my reason for being. Bluegrass. Now, let's move on to something more stimulating...such as rice cakes. I should duck, right?

Tell someone how much you love them, before it's too late. It can become too late very suddenly.
xoxox
Helen

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

When did GRASS become a verb?

On my last post I was whining about Michael mentioning my grammar, but since I read the Discussion Forum and all the back and forth about 'keeping it bluegrass', and having seen a post about 'grassing up' some country tunes, the question about when GRASS became a verb has been floating around in my head.

I will admit that it isn't the thought main front and center, but it does pop up on occasion, and usually I make what my dear mother used to fondly call a ticking sound with my tongue. I manage to sound quite disgusted when I do it. Grass is not a verb; it's a noun.

"It's good to feel the green, green grass of home". As I type this I'm thinking perhaps the word is touch and not feel, but whatever. Or maybe it was See. Hmmmm....it's no secret that I don't know sweet diddlydo about music. Ok, in this example, feel is the verb...grass is the noun, and green is the whatchamacallit...adjective? Yeah, that's it. Were I to be talking about smoking some grass, smoking would be the verb. I have never done that, by the way. I'm wondering though if I were to mash some up in some people's cereal if they might mellow out a little and not be so concerned about Buddy Holly...I wouldn't know a Buddy Holly tune from ....what? Cluck Old Hen. Didn't Buddy write Cluck Old Hen? I think he did.

OHHHHHH...!!! I just thought of something. Did Jessica and Kevin not do a FANTASTIC job on Daniel Prayed. I thought I was going to pass out. Nice work, guys. In fact, I thought the whole jam was great.

Anyway, back to grass. It's all just too funny. You know what I have to say to it all? Grass this up !! :)


Big grassy hugs to you...
Helen

Friday, June 8, 2007

Earl wouldn't do it that way...

Earl who?

Michael sent me an email mentioning that I had made a 'fatal error' in the fact that I mis-spelled SCRUGGS on my last blog. Ooooooops. Oh well, I'm sure Earl would forgive me. People spell my name wrong all the time, with two "Ls". HeLLen. Looks funny, doesn't it?

Fatal Error. Hmmmm...I've not ever heard a spelling mistake called a fatal error before now. As far as I know, things like forgetting your wedding anniversary, or the wife's birthday could be called fatal errors, or can certainly gain one's immediate admittance to the dog house, but a spelling mistake? Ahhhhh...no.

By the way, Michael never forgets my birthday. As far as anniversaries go, for our 10th wedding anniversary we went out for dinner, and he presented me with a little wrapped box (I thought it was something shiny) but in the box were the ribbons that he had tied to the antenna on the truck on our wedding day...those ribbons came with us all the way to Newfoundland, and back, and were a lovely reminder of the day. He had saved them, and tucked them away with the intention of presenting me with them 10 years later. How romantic is that?

On our 20th anniversary, he bought me something shiny :))) Michael made a big deal out of presenting it to me...our kids were there...Michael said, as he was passing me the box, "I want to thank you for twenty years of..."...as he was hesitating, no doubt looking for exactly the best adjective to describe his adoration, our daughter Mallory inserted the word PAIN. The sentence never did get finished since we were all laughing so hard.

That's ok, dear. I know what you meant. I love you too. And quit bugging me about my grammatical limitations. Like, how important is it?

Happy day...
Helen

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

I hadn't thought of it this way...

This cracks me up - I was just on a website that sells stuff like t-shirts and banjos and other fun stuff and I saw a t-shirt that reads:
"Sex, drugs, and Flatt & Skruggs"

To me, that just makes bluegrass all the more interesting. I love it...what WILL they think of next?

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Well now...

Met some new people at the bluegrass jam last night. Didn't catch their names exactly, but we chatted and they seemed pretty enthusiastic. Why not, it's a pretty enjoyable evening as far as I can tell.

As they were leaving they asked me for a definition of bluegrass music. At first I was horrified - I prefer answering questions about topics where I have a clue, but I was inspired by a couple thoughts such as the instruments are all acoustic...that means they don't plug into anything, right? I'm thinking about how we don't go to concerts where the fatal error of using an electric bass is made. Well, acoustic stuff is what I told them, and then they said something about drums, and I remember Michael being quite agitated when Alison Krauss and Union Station have drums, so I said nope, no drums.

One of the people said that the songs sounded a lot like country...yes, dear, I know...toooooo much country in last night's jam...anyway, I said that the difference with bluegrass music from country is that the woman always dies at the end of the song. This was the point that they realized what I knew all along - I have absolutely no clue to what I am speaking about, and they left. Whatever. It all sounds the same to me. Hopefully they will come back and I can put them in front of Michael for a few mintues.

On a different note, when I opened the American Express bill a couple nights ago (these things seem to come around FAR too often) I noticed a rather large charge to our bill and I didn't recognize the merchant. It was for a hotel and the charge had been converted from USD...ah HA! I thought. So, I called American Express to question the charge...I am a patient person in dealing with this type of thing, but let's just say the amount of time I spent on the phone to no avail was remarkable. Finally, I got the phone number of the merchant and instructions to call them first and then AMEX would dispute the charge if I had no luck. Sigh.

I called the merchant...he was a pleasant individual and told me he runs a little inn near the New Hampshire border. I explained my request and he told me the person that had made the charge was Michael Floyd. Oh. He proceeded to tell me what it was for...one night's accomodation, dinner, breakfast, and tickets to the Ralph Stanley concert. I said "Oh". He kept telling me he hoped he had not ruined a surprise for me. Hello? Roses are a surprise...diamonds...rings...shiny stuff, even hubcaps, are a surprise. Ralph Stanley...no. In no way does Ralph enter my 'surprise' category.

Have a good day, unless you've made other plans.
Hugs,
Helen