Glossary of Terms Bluegrass

Ed, Becky, Michael and I were away this weekend past and blessed to have witnessed a live concert featuring Dr. Ralph Stanley. More on this on another blog. I have lots to write about :)

Whilst we were away, and the topic of conversation centered largely around all things Bluegrass, Becky suggested that I blog a glossary of terms for those without nearly as much knowledge on the subject as I. Sorry for your luck. I've put in brackets the source when it didn't come from my own cultured and sophisticated brain.

Bluegrass - I've noticed more and more that this is a fairly subjective term and has no clear definition. I would be remiss in not at least making an attempt...

• If Ralph Stanley sings it, it's bluegrass. Apparently, if Ralph sang "Prop me up beside the Jukebox" some people would still claim that to be a bluegrass song. Actually, Prop Me Up and Oh Death kind of work together.
• If the instruments don't plug in, it might be bluegrass
• If the instruments plug in, it isn't bluegrass. The electric bass, which I'm not allowed to talk about, might be the only possible exception. Maybe.
• If Bob Dylan is singing, it MIGHT be bluegrass. Maybe.
• If the woman dies at the end of the song, it might be bluegrass
• If the dog dies, it might be bluegrass
• If everyone is wearing a white hat and the same shirt in varying colours, it might be bluegrass
• Regarding instruments, if it plugs in or you beat it with a stick, it's not bluegrass (BluegrassRadio.org)
• Radio Friendly Bluegrass - (#1) all those country songs that have been grassified just enough to make them palatable (#2) music for people that don't really like Bluegrass but are pretending to in order to keep the peace somewhere in their lives

See? Subjective.

Grass- left-handed cigarette (Sam Maguire)

Bluegrass fans - "a bunch of old people sitting on lawn chairs in a field listening to music that no one likes" (Hunter Floyd)

Grass it up - (# 1) convert what used to be an okay song to Bluegrass (#2) mash a little of the left-handed cigarettes into the brownies

Grassified - (#1) rhymes with classified (#2) Refers to a song that has been grassed up

The best bluegrass song - The one with no music and no singing - three minutes and 20 seconds of silence (Michael Floyd)

Politically correct term for Hillbilly - William of the Mountain (Ed and Becky Betts)

Banjo - A bucket of bolts and hooks that seems to be rather sensitive in the weather

BAS - Banjo Acquisition Syndrome

BA - Bluegrass Anonymous (12 Step Program)

BAA - the sound a sheep makes

BS - Bachelor of Science...oh wait, that's BSc

Ooooopssss...

I forgot to mention where I posted the punch line for the joke about the hookers - it's in the comments on the blog entitled "Banjo Joke About Hookers."

I asked Michael if he enjoyed the Continental Divide / David Parmley concert in Grand Manan. He said it was excellent and that the music was traditional. (Does the word 'traditional' mean that the music was good?)

I saw Tom Mason drive by in the Tim Hortons parking lot at Simms Corner in the early afternoon on the day they were due back from Grand Manan (that's how I knew Michael was home!) and Tom didn't look very happy, but perhaps he was having withdrawl since he was in a parking lot, but not jamming. The jamming played out pretty much as I mentioned in my last blog. I cannot emphasize how grateful I am that I was not there. Like, really, really, really filled with gratitude for that one.

I didn't get off the hook completely though - have no fear. Michael won a CD as a door prize, plus he bought three more. Not sure why he bothered spending the money...it seems to me that it all sounds the same as the stuff we already have. Just my own personal opinion.

Don't believe everything you think!
Helen

Banjo Joke...

You've heard the saying "when the cats away, the mouse will play"? I thought I would take an opportunity while Michael is away and jamming in all the parking lots between Saint John and
Grand Manan to post a couple jokes.

Joke # 1:

You walk into a brain store, and you look around and see piano player brain $10 an ounce, guitarist brain $15 an ounce, trumpet player brain $12 an ounce, banjo player brain $135 an ounce. Surprised, you ask the clerk why banjo player brain is $135 an ounce. He replies "Do you have any idea how many banjo players you have to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

Just so you know, Michael emailed me this joke a while ago. He can't get upset about something he endorsed, can he? Nahhhh....

Finally, a punch line!!

After a few days of despair that no one was sending me a response in the form of a punch line to "how many hookers does it take to string a banjo?", Steve M. sent three answers - all of which are clean, to boot. Thanks Steve for coming to the rescue :))

Michael told me I could be de-blogged. He's not loving the joke, I guess. Clay and I were in agreement that we could come up with a couple answers, most likely, but not necessarily ones that were postable. We're all about keeping it clean, right Clay?

Michael was telling me earlier today that he didn't think he was going to be taking a banjo with him on the big trip to Grand Manan tomorrow. (Half of Saint John is heading down there, from what I can gather). Anyway, I said that he absolutely HAD to take a banjo on the trip. (There's lots of jamming planned for the ferry parking lot, on the ferry, in the parking lot on the other side of the ferry, in the parking lot at the concert, after the concert (probably in the parking lot), at the motel, probably at Sheldon's house, at the motel in the morning before they leave for the ferry, in the parking lot at the ferry, on the ferry ride back...wow). Michael said "what do I need a banjo for?? To use as a paddle?" Ahhhhh....no. My suggestion would be that if the boat starts sinking, let go of the banjo. Those suckers are heavy and you'll sink like a rock. Hey, that sounds like a good theme for a bluegrass song.

Of course, when he mentioned using the banjo as a paddle my face lit up. He said "I know - I'm going to be reading about that". Yup, you can count on it. :)

I hope everyone that is going to Grand Manan for the concert enjoys the music and the company. It sounds like a fun time, except for the ferry ride, the parking lot jamming and the concert. Other than those things, sounds like a blast. Murray won't be going this year since he and Elaine are getting married this weekend, but Murray gets sick on the ferry ride so he wasn't fussy about going anyway. As I recall, even though it's been a while, walking down the aisle made me feel a little ill. I wouldn't be doing that again, not for anything.

Happy jamming...stay in touch...send comments!!
Helen